Relationships are hard work but then you add in all the baggage that comes along with being in a second or third marriage and it can sometimes be a recipe for disaster. Don't let it be. Fight for your marriage and your happiness. For me I found TRUE, REAL love the second time around. My first marriage I was TOO young, too dumb and thought I could fix him with my love. Ya, that really worked out for me! :p I really can't compare the two marriages because I didn't have a solid foundation the first time around. I felt like I was in that marriage alone and I was. When I reconnected with my current husband (we have known each other since we were kids..I'll tell that story another time ;)) I had been a single mother for 6 LONG, hard years. I had almost given up hope on ever finding true love, he was a breath of fresh air. He treated me good, like a real partner, he was great with my boys, he was a hard worker and he was a great father. We had an instant connection and built a great friendship that turned into a relationship. I knew he had 4 kids and I knew it would be a lot of work but I was really quite naive about just how much baggage came along with it. I thought his ex would be decent and we would all get along and ride off in the sunset... Wishful thinking on my part. Although it has been extremely hard and painful at times, I wouldn't trade my marriage for anything in the world. Having a partner that loves me is everything to me!
Here are some things that have helped us keep our relationship strong:
1. Make time for each other. Whether it be a quick little lunch/dinner date or even just a scenic drive. Make the time to connect just the two of you. Remember kids grow up and leave the nest...you are with your husband a lifetime. Put in the work.
2. Don't talk about the EX all the time. This one is a hard one! Especially if you are dealing with a high-conflict ex that seems to cause issues daily/weekly. She wants you to talk about her and she wants to make you guys as unhappy as she is. Don't give her what she wants. Deal with the issue and move on. Don't let her become a wedge between you.
3. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks about you. I spent too many years caring what other people think. STOP. I know who I am and what I do as a wife, mother and step-mother and I don't need to worry about what anyone else thinks.
4. Tell each other how much you appreciate the other. This is especially important for us step-parents. Being a step-parent is a thankless job half the time. You do everything a real parent does but sometimes get no credit. It helps to have a supportive spouse that sees and appreciates all you do for your family.
Everything isn't always going to run smoothly... But if you build a solid foundation and make time for each other, you will be able to deal with all that life throws your way.
